What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation refers to the ability to:

• Notice internal feelings.
• Manage emotional responses.
• Return to a settled state after distress.

Importantly, this is not a skill that children are simply expected to “have”.

It develops over time through:

• Relationships.
• Repeated experiences.
• Support from adults.

This is why co-regulation is often the starting point.

Before children can regulate independently, they need consistent experiences of being supported through big emotions.

Why Some Kids Struggle More Than Others

All children experience big emotions. However, some children experience them more frequently or more intensely.

This can be influenced by:

• Differences in sensory processing.
• Executive functioning challenges (e.g., task initiation, shifting attention).
• Anxiety or heightened threat responses.
• Fatigue or cognitive load.

During school holidays, these factors can become more noticeable. Without predictable routines, children may need to work harder to organise themselves, manage transitions, and cope with changes in expectations.

Why School Holidays Can Feel Hard for Some Kids

While holidays are often seen as a time to relax, they can also create challenges for children who rely on structure and predictability.

Common factors include:

• Loss of routine and clear expectations.
• Increased unstructured time.
• Changes in sleep patterns.
• Social and sensory demands (e.g., outings, gatherings).

For some children, this can lead to:

• Increased irritability.
• Emotional outbursts or shutdowns.
• Difficulty starting or completing tasks.

Understanding this context helps shift the lens from:
👉 “What’s wrong?”
to
👉 “What might be making this harder right now?”

Emotional Regulation Strategies for Kids

There is no single strategy that works for every child. However, the following approaches tend to support regulation more effectively because they focus on the nervous system, not just behaviour.

🔹 Co-Regulation First

Before expecting a child to calm themselves, they often need support from a regulated adult.

This might look like:

• Sitting nearby without pressure.
• Using a calm, steady voice.
• Acknowledging how they are feeling.

For example: “That looks really frustrating. I’m here with you.”

🔹 Reduce Demands in the Moment

When a child is dysregulated, their capacity is reduced.

In these moments:

• Pause non-essential demands.
• Avoid reasoning or lecturing.
• Focus on helping them feel safe.

Once regulation returns, problem-solving becomes more accessible.

🔹 Support the Body, Not Just the Mind

Regulation is physical as well as emotional.

Helpful supports might include:

• Movement (jumping, stretching, walking).
• Sensory input (weighted items, quiet spaces).
• Rhythmic activities (rocking, music).

These can help the nervous system settle.

🔹 Use Predictable Anchors

During school holidays, full routines may not be realistic. However, having a few consistent “anchors” in the day can help.

For example:

• A consistent morning start.
• A shared meal time.
• A predictable wind-down routine.

This provides structure without rigidity.

🔹 Offer Choice and Autonomy

A sense of control can support regulation. Where possible:

• Offer choices between options.
• Involve the child in planning parts of the day.
• Allow flexibility in how tasks are completed.

🔹 Build Regulation Skills Over Time

Emotional regulation develops gradually.

Outside of stressful moments, you can:

• Talk about emotions in everyday situations.
• Reflect on what helped after a hard moment.
• Model your own regulation strategies.

What Doesn’t Usually Help

Some common approaches can unintentionally increase distress:

• Expecting immediate compliance during overwhelm.
• Using consequences while a child is dysregulated.
• Repeated instructions when processing is reduced.

These approaches often assume the child can respond in that moment, when in reality, their nervous system may not allow it.

When to Seek Support

If emotional regulation difficulties are:

• Frequent or intense.
• Impacting daily functioning.
• Affecting school or relationships.

it may be helpful to seek support.

A psychologist can help understand the underlying factors, whether related to anxiety, ADHD, autism, or other developmental differences, and provide tailored strategies.

Supporting Emotional Regulation Over the Holidays

School holidays can be a valuable opportunity to better understand your child’s needs, especially when there is more time and flexibility to observe patterns and try different approaches.

At the same time, it’s completely normal for regulation to feel more challenging during this period. Without the structure of school, children are often navigating more unstructured time, shifting expectations, and increased sensory or social demands.

Rather than trying to “fill” every moment or keep things perfectly regulated, it can be helpful to think about balance across the day.

For example, allowing space for boredom can actually support emotional development. Unstructured time gives children opportunities to explore, problem-solve, and engage with their own interests at their own pace. If you’d like to explore this further, you can read more about why boredom can be beneficial during the holidays in our blog on why boredom is important for development.

Another helpful framework is the idea of balancing different types of activities across the day. The Healthy Mind Platter offers a simple way to think about this, including time for:

• Focused activity.
• Physical movement.
• Connection with others.
• Play time.
• Rest and downtime.

You can read more about how this applies during school holidays in our blog on school holiday activities and wellbeing.

Ultimately, supporting emotional regulation during the holidays is less about getting it “right” and more about staying responsive to your child’s needs. Small adjustments, such as building in predictable anchors, allowing recovery time after busy activities, and following your child’s cues, can make a meaningful difference over time.

Get Support

If you would like support with your child’s emotional regulation, our team at aMAZEin’ Minds Psychology offers neuro-affirming assessment and therapy services for children, teens, and adults.

 Call us: (03) 7046 4528
 Email: info@amazeinminds.com.au
 Contact us online »

Our clinic is located in Mount Waverley and supports families across Melbourne’s eastern suburbs, including Glen Waverley, Burwood, Chadstone, Ashwood, Notting Hill, and Oakleigh. Telehealth services are also available across Australia where appropriate.

Additional Resources and Reading

If you would like to explore pathological demand avoidance further, the following resources provide helpful, evidence-informed perspectives on autism, anxiety, and neurodiversity.

• The National Autistic Society offers an overview of demand avoidance, including how it may present and ways to support individuals in everyday settings.
• The Autism CRC provides research and resources on autism and neurodiversity, including guidance for families, educators, and clinicians.
• Beyond Blue shares accessible information on anxiety and emotional wellbeing, which can help contextualise the nervous system responses often seen in demand avoidance.
• The Raising Children Network offers practical, developmentally informed strategies to support children’s emotional regulation and behaviour at home and in everyday life.