How to Talk to Children About Traumatic Events

Checking what children already know about the event

Encourage families to begin with curiosity rather than explanation:

• “Have you heard anything about what happened?”
• “Is there anything you’ve been wondering about?”

This helps avoid overwhelming children with unnecessary detail and ensures conversations are matched to the child’s actual understanding, rather than adult assumptions.

Explaining violence to children in simple, factual terms

Children do not benefit from graphic detail or adult interpretation.

• Use brief, clear language (e.g. “Someone hurt people in a public place, and the police intervened.”)
• Avoid speculation, blame, or repeated discussion of the event.
• Reassure children that adults and services are working to keep people safe.

For many children, a short explanation is enough.

Talking to children about violence at different developmental stages

Early childhood:
Focus on safety, routine, and reassurance.
“You are safe. The adults around you are keeping you safe.”

Primary school age:
Expect “why” questions and emotional reactions.
It is appropriate to say, “Sometimes we don’t know why people make unsafe choices.”

Adolescents:
Allow space for discussion about fairness, fear, or broader social impacts. Support critical thinking while helping teens avoid catastrophising or constant exposure to distressing media.

Supporting children’s emotional responses after a traumatic event

Children may experience worry, sadness, confusion, anger, or emotional numbness.

• Normalise emotional reactions: “Many people feel unsettled after hearing about something like this.”
• Avoid minimising (“Don’t worry about it”) or over-reassuring (“Nothing bad will ever happen”).
• Emphasise that feelings can come and go, and support is available.

This supports emotional literacy without amplifying fear.

Managing children’s exposure to distressing news and media

Repeated exposure to violent imagery and commentary increases anxiety and rumination, particularly for neurodivergent children and teens.

• Encourage families to keep news off in the background.
• Support older children to take breaks from social media.
• Remind families that children may need conversations revisited as new information circulates.

Behavioural signs that a child may be distressed

Children often show stress through behaviour rather than words, including:

• Increased irritability or emotional dysregulation
• Withdrawal or clinginess
• Sleep or appetite changes
• Physical complaints (e.g. headaches, stomach pain)

These responses are often best supported through predictability, routine, and connection, rather than viewing them as misbehaviour.

Why an adult’s calm presence matters most

Children take emotional cues from the adults around them. A calm tone, steady presence, and willingness to listen are more protective than having the “perfect” explanation.

If a child remains highly distressed, preoccupied, or anxious over time, referral to appropriate wellbeing or mental health supports may be helpful.